Life in the fast lane

wHOA. its march and I haven´t written anything, yet so much has happened. The rents and Bust came down for an 8 day visit, other parents flooded our lives with joy and peace, retreat groups continue to expand our community of friends, new children at the hospital have passed through our lives, Semillas had its annual olympics, big decisions are popping up on all of our horizons, made the big trip to surf city, etc.. So much has been buzzing in the spring of the world, all directing me back to the thankfulness I feel in God that I get to be here.

¨Let God.¨ This morning as I was passing through crowded streets, weaving in and out of traffic on the bus, among the gloomy grey sky, I realized that if I got a tattoo, this is what I would want it say. Probably in a different language, because that seems like the cool thing to do, have something that no one knows that only you can explain. I will likely never get a tattoo, but if I did, this is what I would want to be reminded of everyday of my life.

The whole challenge of being here this year has been just that- BEING. That is the mission of Rostro de Cristo, that we don´t come in trying to change the world and the systems, although that is exteremly important, we come in to minister by the presence of our selves intertwined in the lives of others. So many days have passed here where I feel I am doing nothing, and coming from a culture that determines value based on what one can produce, I have often felt at the bottom of the social order that I have no control in determining.

I have been struggling mentally to accept that Christ must do all things through me, that it really isn´t ME doing anything. I am nothing apart from him, yet I get all these ideas and dreams and hopes, that if I only try harder, I can show God how much I can actually do. Lately I have been trying a lot to give myself peace, to calm myself when I see hardships, to make myself chill out when I am experiencing the anxiety of the future and to feel okay when the pain of the lives of those around me rubs against me. I often attempt to right my own paths, which is an endless game that I can never win at. I´m human. Punto. (Period.)

So this novel idea that I have to, and I repeat HAVE TO because its come to a point where I don´t have the option to not Trust God, I need to LET God ________. Fill in the blank.

I have to LET God have His way in me.
I have to LET God bring me peace.
I have to LET God prepare a place for me at home.
I have to LET God love in me.

All things that I have been trying to do, and missing the mark everytime.

There is a rule in our community that we can´t get tattoos or piercing in Ecuador, mainly for safety and the nerves of our parents, so you will not likely see me coming home with this motto plastered across my body. But if when I come home, and you see me, please remind me of this revelation that I´ve had today, because surely, only too soon, I suppose it will slip away. And like usual, I will go back to trying to fill the holes and gaps of my humanity that only God alone can fill.

and the best part is, He does.