the fight that made us see

i guess i am finding it hard to put myself and my life in words here. so much of what i experience on a day-to-day basis is challenged by my previous understanding of myself and what i know to be true. this past week there was a fight in semillas that left a batch of children hurting, volunteers crying, and a fear that grew out of the fact that the space we worked to make safe, clearly was not.

christmas time, we are told, is a very difficult and stressful time for people who live in the third world. some of this is due to the social pressure put on families to provide gifts for their children. the reality is that some families can´t afford to buy enough food to eat everyday, let alone splurge on extras like toys. this creates a lot of tension in households in our neighborhoods, and we have been led to believe that this is one reason for the violent and aggressive behavior that has suddenly srpung up in our children.

but hearing this from a local, and understanding the cultural and social contexts that go into the behaviors of others, somehow didn´t make it any easier for me to process what happened. my heart is still bumping up against the bruises of the children´s pain, and the fact that they act on their anger in the only way they know: with fists.

i am coming to see that i have no answers here. i cannot change the situations that these kids come from, I can not control the way they act and behave, and I don´t have an educational background in counseling or organzing people politically or financially helping to start microbusinesses. all I can do is model a better way, a way that perphaps they have not been shown. all i can do is be.

and that is hard. it makes you sit with pain and wriggle uncomfortably. in the western world, we are taught to believe that if something is wrong, you can change it. we believe that we are in control of our lives and our environments. but here that is not the case, and my sure will power cannot collect the children of broken families and pull them into a safer and better life.

i can do is pray, because if there is a way, God has it. i don´t. Being here has enforced the idea that I have to believe in something bigger than myself. i have to believe there is a source of power and good and justice that can lift people out of the suffering they are in. because i cannot.

pray for the kids here. pray for the work God does in their lives 24/7 and that He will guide the work we do 2 hours a day.

it took a fight, two boys, four fists, to make me see how little i have control over. and while it was uncomfortable to not have power in that situation it gave me a little glimpse of this world, of this life, of our human condition. we are not in control, but He who is greater is. and that is why we are called to TRUST.

we cannot do it alone.

Season of Joy

Hello All! Merry Christmas from the land of the sweating sun. I pray all of you are well and enjoying the advent season.

I have receieved a few e-mails from people asking what they can send for Christmas, and with the help of my community we thought of a few things that our programs could use. Just to restate, we are not in NEED of anything, we are very blessed and fully capable of running our programs and doing our jobs with the supplies we have. One of the tennants of our mission is to live in simplicity, and therefore we are trying our best to live without the luxuries of home, in order to be in solidarity with our neighbors here. With that in mind, if you would like to send anything to the program we will welcome it with open arms and gracious hearts.

1. Vitamins- we want to start giving the children at our program vitamins, so donations of chewable tablets or flinestones would be greatly appreciatied.
2. Books - The hospital where I work is severly underfunded and there are no resources for educational materials. Andrew and I have found it to be very helpful to bring along the few children´s spanish books we have. Here are a few we don´t have that I would like to acquire:
- Cordoroy (my favorite as a child)
- Madeline
- Rosaurio en Bicicleta
Any spanish written material would be wonderul, primarily for children ages 4-9.
3. Stickers- our incentive program to reinforce positive behavior allows kids to earn stickers based on attendance and good behavior. They LOVE getting stickers, as they are a novelty here. 4. Erasers- they seem to be what we go through the fastest at the afterschool programs
5. Water paints and brushes- they can be pretty expensive here


Please continue to pray for our community here, the people we live and work with, and God´s will to be done.

**To update everyone, our beloved community member Kasia went home today due to her worsening medical condition. Please pray that she heals rapidly and that the doctors can figure out a way to restore her health. She will be very missed by everyone here.

I pray that this Christmas season we come to see the truth of what Christ´s birth did for the entire world and all of creation.

hugs and snow angels.
colie